Calamari: Turn About's Fair Play
by Crysania
Summary: From Tumblr prompts: "Now we need Stan in Belle's bath." and "Stan the Octopus has a hard time understanding why humans wear clothing."


It's the middle of the afternoon and Belle has nothing to do…_nothing_. It is glorious. Rumplestiltskin is holed up in his tower working on some potion or another. She doesn't really know. She doesn't _need_ to know. Whatever dark magic he's designing up there is his own business and so curious though she might be, she rarely sets foot in his tower.

She did once.

She won't again unless he's given her express permission.

She learned that lesson in a rather uncomfortable way and would not soon forget it.

So with her afternoon free, she resorts to an old comforting pastime of hers. She hasn't done it in for what feels like forever, but there's nothing she loves better than a hot bath and a good book. It's easier here too. No need to call on servants to fill a tub, no need to find a way to create the bubbles she so adores. All she has to do is command the castle and the tub is filled with perfectly warmed water and tons of bubbles.

She's gotten used to this magic thing. Not that she would admit that to Rumplestiltskin, who would wag his finger at her and taunt her. _I told you so_. He may be the darkest sorcerer in the land (so he tells her…over and over again…all the damned time), but sometimes he's also about five years old.

Sliding into the tub, she opens the book she had snagged out of the library earlier. It wasn't her usual, not some grand romance or adventure. No this one was a bit more…informative…than her usual fare. But somehow this seems apt after the last couple weeks have opened her eyes to…well…things.

It's fascinating but it's a lot of information and the water is so very warm and smells so very nice. She drops the book to the side of the tub and leans back, letting her head rest against the side of the tub and sinking further into the water.

She can just take a little nap. Let the water rock her to sleep. It's her time off. Though truth to be told, she has more time off than not these days. Rumplestiltskin isn't exactly a difficult task-master and as more time goes on, she has more freedom, more time to herself, more books to read. She has a whole library worth of books now and she still remembers the shy smile that came with the gift.

And she knew it was a gift.

He tries to pretend, even now, that it's just another room to clean. But she knows that's not true. She'd been in the tower before and then suddenly there's a library there? She knows the truth. And it warms her heart.

She's drifting off, eyes shut, totally relaxed when something cold and wet touches her shoulder. A scream erupts from her before she can even stop it. But then she turns and sees Stan there looking as sheepish as an octopus _can_ look. His large eyes blink once and then again.

"_Stan_," she says sharply. It wasn't all that long ago that he had disturbed Rumplestiltskin in _his_ bath and that wasn't something she wasn't so quick to forget. Try though she might. And she had tried…really. Tried putting that image out of her mind, but it never seemed to work. It still doesn't she realizes as she suddenly draws to mind the image of him dripping wet and naked.

"So you don't always wear clothes!" Stan announces.

"Stan, keep it down," she hisses at him. The last thing she wants to do is attract Rumplestiltskin's attention. "And _what_?"

"Why do humans wear clothes?"

"I…what?" Stan always manages to catch her just slightly off guard. He's curious, has a lot of questions. But this was the first of _this_ sort. He's been curious about her so far, but not about the human condition.

"You put things on, cover yourself. We don't do that." He waves a couple tentacles in the air.

"No," she says slowly. "I suppose that you don't."

Stan creeps forward, dips a tentacle or two in the bath and Belle finds herself pushing away from the slimy appendages. "Is it because your tentacles are so small?"

Belle bites back a bit of a giggle. "Rumplestiltskin would appreciate if you stopped calling it that."

The one eye she can see blinks. "It's not a tentacle?"

"No."

"What is it then?"

Belle feels the blush rise to her cheeks. "I'm not going to explain human anatomy to you."

Stan falls quiet but then she feels the water move and his tentacles are pulling him closer to the tub. Faced with one great eye staring her down, Belle lets out a short squeal and tries to shove him away. "What are you doing?"

"The water looks so warm…"

"It _is_!"

"Can I join you?"

"No!" Her voice is sharper than she intends.

His tentacles start to slink into the tub anyway and she pushes them away again. "_Stan_." When his whole body slips into the tub, she squeals. She's jumping out, slipping on the water on the ground when the door flies open.

"Belle?"

"Rumplestiltskin!" She's on the ground, trying to regain her footing and when she finally manages to pull herself to her feet she realizes exactly what kind of picture she makes. She'd laugh if she could manage it. It should be ridiculous. But she's frozen in place and Rumplestiltskin is just inside the door and he's _staring_ and all she can think to do is drape her hair around herself and use her hands to cover other pertinent parts.

She supposes it's more than Rumplestiltskin did, considering all that she had seen.

And still all he's doing is staring, and her eyes are wide, and she doesn't know what to say. It's a repeat of the other day and it's all Stan's fault _again_. It's like he's doing this on purpose. She turns to glare at the octopus for a moment. _Maybe he is_…

Stan just waves his tentacles around and if she's not mistaken, she's pretty sure he grins at her. _Grins_. Can an octopus even grin?

"Gods," she mutters and looks back at Rumplestiltskin. He's _still_ staring. He hasn't even averted his eyes. She's not even sure his eyes are looking at her _face_, instead dipping lower to stare at… "Why don't you draw a picture?" she snaps at him. "It'll last longer."

His eyes snap to hers then. "Belle." And her name sounds utterly ridiculous at that moment, like he can think of nothing more to say than her name. He takes a few steps toward her then, but doesn't come too close. He looks like a deer trapped in a hunter's sight, eyes wide, mouth slightly open.

"Will you just…" she starts to say.

"I…um…" he says at the same time.

They both fall silent and Belle turns to glare at Stan. "This is _your_ fault," she hisses. The bubbles are starting to dissipate on her body and she's getting even more exposed all the time. The room is feeling particularly chilly and she tries to ignore what exactly that's doing to her body. Rumplestiltskin might think…

Well, he might think the _truth_ and she couldn't have that.

Even though she'd seen the truth on _him_ not that long ago.

_Bloody hell_.

"The water's so _warm_," Stan interjects. "I couldn't resist."

Belle takes a deep breath. Then another. "Get out of my bath," she nearly snarls at the beast occupying it.

Rumplestiltskin makes a small tittering noise and she turns to look back at him. He's smirking now, looks more like himself, though he's still watching her closely. Too closely.

Stan doesn't move and she gives Rumplestiltskin a look. He shakes his head. "Fine then. You want my bath? You can _both_ have it."

Without really thinking about what she's doing, she rushes forward, grabs the infuriating sorcerer by the arm and tugs at him. He comes with her willingly, moving pliantly as she pushes him closer to the tub. And then she gives him one huge _push_. He stumbles into the tub, which comes up to just about his knees, and loses his balance. "Belle," he manages to get out just as she shoves him once more.

He slips on the wet water and while she's sure he could manage to magic himself out of this situation he doesn't, which probably speaks more to his surprise at her sudden outburst than anything else. And then he falls into the water, leather and brocade and silk shirt and all.

Stan screams, tentacles waving about in the air.

Rumplestiltskin sputters and spits out water as he comes up for air.

Belle just laughs. She's naked, wet, dripping bubbles, and _Rumplestiltskin_ has just seen her that way. And it doesn't even matter at that moment because he's dripping wet too and looks like an angry cat. And it's not like she didn't see him naked just a few days before.

She stands up tall and with all the dignity she can muster, turns to leave the room. "I will see you for dinner tonight." She sounds like a queen, imperial, proud.

Rumplestiltskin giggles. _Giggles_, the little bastard. She whips around to look at him and he stops, though she can still see the smirk playing about his lips. "Turn about's fair play, dearie!" He lets out another high-pitched giggle.

Belle just puts her hands on her hips and attempts a glare. She can't, though. Not when he's kneeling in a tub with Stan's tentacles waving about behind him and grinning at her like a fool. "Yes…well…we shall see about _that_."

And she leaves the room with her head held high, the sound of his giggles following her down the hall.


End file.
